the four loves

"There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."

Currently reading: The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis - its pretty phenomenal.

Please pick it up if you have time. It only has five chapters: Likings and Loves for the Sub-Human, Affection, Friendship, Eros, and Charity. It's a short read, but I think my outlook on love is changing for the better because of it.

paintballed window

as i sit here and struggle to write a six page paper on male anorexia, i thought i'd write a little blog, and now that i'm here, i realize i have nothing to say except various statistics on premorbid impulsiveness and the eating habits of adolescent men.

well, i maybe have a little. i just turned on some crooked still, made some good earth tea, and got some almonds, and that helped my paper-writing mood a bit. oh, our window got paintballed like an hour ago by some men in hoods. we're not sure who they are, although we have our suspicions. when we looked out the window, they quick threw their hoods up, ran, and jumped in the waiting car. the funny thing was, they drove off with the door open...even all the way around the corner. made them feel more intense, maybe? sadly, we no longer have a view to look at as our window is now a bunch of rainbow streaks. welp, guess thats it.

please be satisfied with your body image men,
laur

lovestruck and words

I think we're all aware that the term 'Christian' doesn't hold the same countenance that it did even a century ago. So what then are we to refer to ourselves as?

Religious? Spiritual? Follower of Christ? ...Lovestruck.
Ultimate reality. Living for the unseen. The longing, the frustration, the peace.

How do we truly explain to someone who cannot see, who doesn't believe...all of the wonder, the comfort, the esteem, His jealousy, our fear and respect, the giving up of one's self, the significance, the passion, the consuming, the calm, the existence, the vigilance, the being.

Something epic. A legend, a crusade? So simple a child can grasp it, yet something that even the most perceptive theologian cannot completely unravel.

All the words in one book could not do. The English language cannot possibly capture it.
Can it?

How do we culminate that into one word for someone.

quote from googling God

"God, for me, is like someone who's already up when you've come downstairs in the morning and you're stumbling to get that cup of coffee and he's already there with his. And you sit on the front porch in a rocking chair and the sun is just starting to rise over the horizon and he says, `It's a beautiful sunrise!' And I say, `Yeah.'"

people i miss

so there are some people in my life that are not near and i have been missing sooo much. i miss jojo and her incredible insight on God. i miss our moms at restaurants. i miss her hugs and her happy-go-luckiness about life. i miss how we laugh at literally everything. i miss liz and our sameness. i miss sitting on benches with her. i miss our families all in one house on holidays. i miss talking about hondu and africa and our different campuses. i miss shelby and her passion for God. i miss her freckles especially. i miss getting deep about life with her. i miss climbing into our tent and freezing our chips off in 30 degree weather. i miss discussing martyrs and living well and the Lord's power with her.

two months is way too long.

meteor shower

I feel so alive today.

Last night, a group of us drove out to the country to watch the meteor shower. We caught the tail end of it but even so, it was beautiful. It was perfectly still out and the air was cold and clear. Each person was wearing about six layers of clothing, so we closely resembled large, multicolored lumps sitting out in a cornfield. Being under an expanse as large as the sky in such an open area is really humbling. To truly imagine each one of those tiny lights as big as an entire planet suddenly made me feel very small.

In a sense, this falling of stars put me back in my place. I often have an I-can-do-it-myself-attitude, but seeing this hugeness...well, I certainly can't do it myself. This comprises feelings that are quite the opposite of arrogance as well, such as worry and doubt. "Well God, how am I supposed to know what Your will is for me if I can't even figure out what I like and want?" The logic of this escapes me but I pray that so often. How about I just give it all to the Lord and let Him worry about it?

Anyways, so we got back at like three in the morning and everyone was dead tired. However, since I didn't have class today, I got to sleep in until about eleven, so I woke up completely rested and feeling very much alive. My devo was on prayer and the perseverance within that, and I couldn't help but think of Obed's Warriors and the 4am jaunts. I was meeting a couple friends for lunch, so I grabbed my iced coffee from the fridge and caught the shuttle. It was mild and clear out and the sky was extra blue I think...yes, today is good.

her morning elegance

this stop motion is seriously lovely and brilliant.

lunch ladies

When it comes to lunch ladies, i have many thoughts.

Growing up, my concept of lunch ladies was that they were fully of the controlling and commandeering nature. Whistles were constantly being blown, "Heads down!" was persistently shouted, and the lights were flashed repeatedly to get our attention. We were not allowed to share food or sit by the boys and someone had to...absolutely had to wash the table at the end of the meal or there would be a price to pay. Recess was always on the line within threats and I will never forget the shrillness or the octave that was reached when we heard, "Be quiet NOW OR I WILL START HANDING OUT DETENTIONS!"

Now this may sound a bit dramatic, but I assure you, this is how the whole system went down. At the delicate age of seven, this really could be quite traumatic. However, I don't fully hold this monstrosity against these dear ladies. Yes, I did say dear. Given that they were handling over two hundred small children who were stuffing their faces with sloppy joes and peanut butter, while congruently throwing mac and cheese across the room, the fact that they yelled now and then seems to be a legit allowance and a sanctioned reason for their inhospitable nature.

This entire monologue is, however, inspired today as a result of my own clumsiness. I was sliding my tray under the drink machine at lunch, fully intending to quickly fill two glasses with water and one with chocolate milk, when my tray stuck on a wet patch and the entirety of the platter dumped itself onto the floor. Potato soup landed on my jeans and my shoe, and my tatertots - cordially referred to as potato gems by Cafe Naz (and they truly are) - scattered everywhere.

I was embarrassed for about three seconds, when suddenly, who else, but two lunch ladies appeared. (Yes we have them at college too...although here they are breakfast and dinner ladies as well.) They went to quick work mopping up the mess and replacing the tray, and I was ready to go in about a minute flat. They were kind and helpful and assured me that, "this situation happens on a daily basis, so please don't worry dear." I walked out of the cafe with an air of confidence, gripping my clean tray and hardly aware of the wiped-up soup blotch on my pant leg.

Needless to say, my entire outlook on lunch ladies has changed for the better. I no longer think of them with distaste or consider their job to be easy in any way. In my book, they belong right up there with Spiderman and Wolverine.

this thing will last forever

I got a new toothbrush holder today. And I am happy about it.

That sounds a bit trifling, but let me explain. Our old toothbrush holder is made of plastic and metal, and after a year and a half of love, it began to show signs of rust and extreme wear. Now, the thing is just downright gross and totally unacceptable for holding anything that goes in our mouths. The new toothbrush holder, however, is made of chrome and probably will still be around in 2098.

I got to visit Amy today and since we will have an apt. together in approximately 1.5 years, I consider this toothbrush holder to be hers as well. And so we celebrated our new item with Ritz crackers, Milano cookies, and the P&P soundtrack. Don't worry, we didn't obsess over it or anything (only Jesus deserves that, not toothbrush holders) but it did entertain us for a good ten minutes. I have to admit, the conversation over the tb holder may or may not have morphed into further thoughts and plannings for our apartment...

Ready to brush,
- Lo

midwesterness

The air was a perfect mixture today. This is why I love living in Minnesota...I love that we have cold weather 75% of the year and the rest is an exemplary mix of mild summer and rain. There's no shuttle to Maranatha at night, so this evening, I buckled my peacoat and prepared myself for a blast of quite colder than usual wind. I was pleasantly surprised when I pushed open the 200 lb. door and it was perfectly comfortable out. It was like that feeling when you got when you were eleven years old and floating three feet underwater. Liz and I used to have breath holding contests in the pool and after thirty seconds of being suspended motionless under the water, we'd move our hands slightly and the water would feel like satin around our fingers. Anyways, so the air felt like that I think.

I am perfectly content tonight. I had a couple hours to myself after class in which I finally got to clean. When in the mood, I am a cleaning fiend...this usually occurs when I am slightly stressed out or have a lot on my mind. Somehow putting everything back in its place physically helps mentally. At least I think that's how it works. Anyways, so I cleaned to the brilliant sounds of Dustin O'Halloran and drank tea and then went to get ready for the second performance. What an evening.

eminent afflictions

I have to share this excerpt with you.
I seriously think God laughs at me sometimes...like I'm just praying, "God, why this...and why that...?" and then after further exemplifications of questioning from my end, He just takes me by the shoulder and whisks His hand outward, showing me the magnificence that I had been so clearly missing. Okay seriously, if you are one who gets stuck in the plodding of life and the monotony of the everyday..please continue reading.

This is from my beloved, little, 1925 copyrighted version of Streams in the Desert. It's corners are worn, the dark orange cover is fading, and the binding has officially cracked, but it continues to pour forth unbelievable wisdom everytime I pick it up...

"As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten." (Rev. 3:19)
God takes the most eminent and choicest of His servants for the choicest and most eminent afflictions. They who have received most grace from God are able to bear most afflictions from God. Affliction does not hit the saint by chance, but by direction. God does not draw His bow at a venture. Every one of His arrows goes upon a special errand and touches no breast but his against whom it is sent. It is not only the grace, but the glory of a believer when we can stand and take affliction quietly. - Joseph Caryl.

If all my days were sunny, could I say,
"In His fair land He wipes all tears away"?

If I were never weary, could I keep
Close to my heart, "He gives His loved ones sleep"?

Were no graves mine, might I not come to deem
The Life Eternal but a baseless dream?

My winter, and my tears, and weariness,
Even my graves, may be His way to bless.

I call them ills; yet that can surely be
Nothing but love that shows my Lord to me!

Okay, okay so the poetry is a bit cheesy...but seriously, isn't this ridiculous? I don't think affliction is necessarily focusing on the most noted of troubles but includes many things...encompassing both the dull and weary day, as well as the petty grievances of a week. Sometimes the Lord is silent...and boy do I need to learn to not complain or question in these times.

It's freeing to realize and remember that just because we don't feel God doesn't mean He is far or has chosen to stop working.

this is a tribute

this is a tribute to those who offer to give backrubs.
you are truly and seriously loved. these people hold a special little place in my heart. no asking, or even begging is necessary, no backrub chain is ensued; they just simply and kindly offer to help.

oh, the comfort

oh, the comfort
the inexpressible comfort
of feeling safe with a person
having neither to weigh thoughts
nor measure words
but pouring them all right out
-just as they are-
chaff and grain together
certain that a faithful hand will
take and sift them
keeping what is worth keeping
and with the breath of kindness
blowing the rest away.
dinah maria mulock craik



you know who you are.
:)